Here we are, the grand final of the women’s Bad Ass Action Star bracket. It’s been a hell of a tournament and Carl and I have thoroughly enjoyed bringing it to the masses. Keep it locked on the Sportcodex Twitter page to see what brackets we tackle next. We’ve got plenty of potential matchups. Speaking of matchups, let’s get onto our final and the bronze medal matchup.
4. Uma Thurman vs 11. Kate Beckinsale
Maybe the fourth seed was too low for the woman who played Beatrix Kiddo, one of the most gangster as fuck movie protagonists ever. Sure, the rest of her resume is a little light (Paycheck was a highly underrated action flick in my opinion though) but in a movie where she defeats not one BUT FIVE tough as shit bad guys and even uses the one-inch punch of Bruce Lee to escape from being buried alive (genius move by the way), Uma is undoubtedly the definition of an action star bad ass. Now, carried by the power of horny Twitter, Kate Beckinsale is a (very) unlikely finalist and I may not be happy about how she got to the finals but the fact remains; she beat Sigourney motherfucking Weaver, the lady that fought off fucking Xenomorphs, to get to the final, so maybe we underestimated her as well. At the very least, we underrated the ability of red-blooded males to multitask by clicking a poll while also having a boner. But not only has Kate killed werewolves, vampires and other such monsters, she helped kill the memory of one of the greatest action/sci-fi films of all time when she jumped on that Total Recall remake. I’m just kidding, that shit isn’t her fault, but fuck the studio for ever greenlighting that shithouse idea. Anyway, grand final time. Uma Thurman vs Kate Beckinsale. Who ya got?
BRONZE MEDAL MATCHUP
2. Sigourney Weaver vs 8. Linda Hamilton
Everybody, pour one out for Sigourney Weaver, the rightful champion of this bracket. She was like Hulk Hogan in the 80’s, or Eminem in the early 00’s…a clear frontrunner and never should have lost. But, what’s done is done so at the very least we can right this huge societal travesty, this glitch in the Matrix. Like Spike Lee, we must do the right thing. Vote for Sigourney. I know I am meant to be biased but ehh. Linda got past the #1 seed. She has done well enough. This is like if Van Damme inexplicably lost in Bloodsport to someone he had no business losing to and then after the fact, you want Van Damme to lose again to that dude that runs like an animal because you think he is cool. Nah man. The animal dude got further than he should have. Be happy with that. But try and make the social injustice right. Van Damme should beat the animal dude and Sigourney motherfucking Weaver should beat Linda Hamilton. That’s just life.
So there it is. Will horny Twitter remain undefeated or will common sense prevail? The choice is in your hands, although if you are voting for Kate, your hands probably already have something else in them. Wash your hands you filthy heathens.